West Oaks Mall to Be Repurposed as Multi-Use “Ghostropolis”: The Future of Empty Spaces

By Mallory Clearance-Rack, Houston Throb Staff Writer

HOUSTON, TX — After years of dwindling foot traffic, awkwardly silent food courts, and a fountain filled with more pennies than dreams, West Oaks Mall has finally closed its doors. But fear not, Houston! This iconic retail relic is getting a second life as a bold new venture: West Ghost Mall, a multi-use space dedicated to “reimagining the concept of abandoned capitalism.”

“This isn’t the end,” said developer Cliff “Deals on Wheels” Bargain, the visionary behind the project. “It’s a bold new beginning. West Oaks isn’t dead—it’s just… transitioning into the afterlife. Think of it as a phoenix rising from the ashes, but like, the kind of phoenix that only shops clearance.”

A Mall-Ti-Purpose Plan

The new concept will capitalize on the mall’s eerie, post-apocalyptic charm. The anchor stores, once home to Sears and Macy’s, will now serve as Laser Tag Apocalypse Zones. “Why shop when you can blast your friends in the remains of a bankrupt department store?” Bargain said. “It’s like shopping, but with lasers!”

The former food court, lovingly nicknamed The Food Graveyard, will be transformed into a restaurant incubator for “edgy” culinary concepts. Rumored startups include a bone broth bar called Stock Market, a cereal-only café called Bowl, Sweet Bowl, and a hot dog stand called Wurst Case Scenario.

As for the empty storefronts, Bargain has plans to lease them to unconventional businesses. “We’re talking escape rooms, vintage arcades, axe-throwing lounges, and possibly a haunted spa called Dead Sea & Relaxation,” he said. “It’ll be a one-stop shop for fun, fear, and mildly overpriced kombucha.”

Turning Empty Spaces Into Full Experiences

The project doesn’t stop at entertainment. Bargain revealed that the mall’s former movie theater will be rebranded as Reel Nostalgia Cinema, showing only movies from the late 90s and early 2000s to remind patrons of the mall’s glory days. Expect nightly showings of Clueless, The Matrix, and Dude, Where’s My Car?

For fitness enthusiasts, the parking lot will be repurposed into The West Oaks Wilds, Houston’s first-ever “Suburban Safari Adventure Park.” Visitors can pay to wander the cracked asphalt, where exotic wildlife like raccoons, pigeons, and the occasional stray shopping cart roam freely.

Meanwhile, the now-defunct Victoria’s Secret store will be converted into a community library called Victoria’s Secrets to Success, featuring self-help books, motivational posters, and free Wi-Fi for the three people still using laptops in 2025.

New Mall Motto: If You Build It, They Might Come Back

To pay homage to its retail roots, West Ghost Mall will keep a few stores intact. Bargain says a single Bath & Body Works will remain operational to provide the building with its signature smell of “Warm Vanilla Sugar and Desperation.” Additionally, an abandoned kiosk selling knockoff sunglasses will serve as a time capsule of mall culture, though no one will staff it, “just to keep it authentic.”

For shoppers nostalgic for the mall-walking days of yore, West Ghost Mall will offer nightly Mall Walker Races. Participants will race each other to see who can power-walk the loop fastest while avoiding the emotional trap of reminiscing about their high school job at Foot Locker.

Mixed Reactions from the Community

While some locals are excited about the transformation, others are skeptical. “It’s kind of sad,” said West Oaks resident Shelly Cordova, clutching an Orange Julius cup she’s kept since 2003. “I remember when this place was the best spot to buy off-brand sneakers and airbrushed T-shirts. Now it’s just… lasers and hot dogs?”

But Bargain remains optimistic. “Malls aren’t dying; they’re evolving,” he insisted, gesturing dramatically toward a half-lit Forever 21 sign. “Sure, people don’t shop here anymore, but that just means they have room to experience something new—like playing glow-in-the-dark mini golf in an abandoned Payless Shoes.”

West Ghost Mall: The Future of Forgotten Places

West Ghost Mall is set to open next summer, with plans to host Houston’s first annual Mall-Pocalypse Festival, featuring live music, food trucks, and a ceremonial burial of the last Aeropostale store.

“West Oaks may have closed its doors,” said Bargain, tearing up. “But we’re opening a whole new chapter—one where malls are more than just places to buy stuff. They’re places to live, laugh, laser.”

And with that, Bargain walked off into the food court ruins, a lone Orange Julius in hand, whispering, “This is how you bring malls back to life.”

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