U.S. to Outlaw All Satire Websites, Citing ‘Too Many People Believe The Onion’
- Paige Turner
- Feb 2
- 1 min read
By Paige Turner
In a shocking yet completely believable move, the U.S. government has announced plans to outlaw all satire websites, citing “widespread confusion among the public.” The decision comes after a recent study found that 73% of Americans couldn’t tell the difference between satire and actual news—especially after half of it started sounding the same.
“People keep sharing satire articles as if they’re real,” said government spokesperson Hugh Morris. “Just last week, a senator tried to cite a Babylon Bee article during a congressional hearing. We had no choice but to step in.”
According to the new policy, all satire websites—including The Onion, Reductress, and even The Houston Throb—must either shut down or rebrand as “Certified Misinformation Hubs,” a title formerly reserved for political talk shows.
Critics argue that the move is unconstitutional, but officials insist it’s necessary to prevent further mass confusion. “We caught one guy believing a headline that the national anthem was being replaced with Rock N Roll McDonalds by Wesley Willis ,” Morris added. “And honestly, at this point, who can blame him?”
In response, The Onion has released a statement reading, “This is fine. We always knew reality would out-satire us eventually.” Meanwhile, The Houston Throb is considering rebranding as a very serious news source—though if history has taught us anything, no one will be able to tell the difference anyway.
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