Trump and Musk to Marry in Historic Billionaire Union, Still Fighting Over Last Name
- Rich E. Luv
- Feb 26
- 3 min read
By Rich E. Luv, The Daily Throb
MAR-A-LAGO—In a twist that absolutely no one saw coming, President Donald Trump and Elon Musk have announced their upcoming wedding, cementing the most powerful, bizarre, and probably tax-motivated union in modern history.
But while plans for a gold-plated, Mars-themed ceremony are in full swing, there’s one major problem: neither man is willing to take the other’s last name.
“It’s the Greatest Name Debate of All Time”
Sources close to the couple say that Trump insists Musk should become a Trump, while Musk, in true chaotic tech-bro fashion, believes Trump should become a Musk.
“Elon’s a nice guy, smart guy, genius guy,” Trump said during a press conference in front of a heart-shaped Tesla Cybertruck. “But the Trump name? Biggest name in history. You ask anyone, they’ll tell you—Trump is the greatest. Musks are fine, fine people, but let’s be honest, Trump is much better.”
Musk, however, immediately fired back on Twitter (now called “X” for no reason at all):
“Trump is ok but ‘Musk’ literally means power. Also, sounds like ‘must’ so it’s subliminally commanding. Have run the numbers. Objectively better.”
Compromise? Not a Chance.
Despite suggestions from their teams, neither man is budging on the surname issue. Discussions over possible combined names have led to heated arguments and at least one thrown Diet Coke.
Among the rejected options:
• Trumpusk – Sounds like a futuristic cologne.
• Musktrump – “Disgusting. Sounds like a disease,” said Trump.
• Donelon – Dismissed after both men claimed top billing.
• MAGA-X – “Too sci-fi,” Musk complained.
• Elonald – Rejected immediately for sounding “too European.”
• Bigliest Genius Men Ever, LLC – This was Musk’s suggestion.
The Wedding of the Century
Despite the name controversy, preparations for the wedding are moving full speed ahead. The guest list includes:
• Jeff Bezos (strictly to be laughed at)
• Mark Zuckerberg (fighting optional)
• Vladimir Putin (to officiate in broken English)
• Tucker Carlson (flower girl)
• Joe Rogan (bringing the drugs, obviously)
Sources confirm that the wedding will take place on a SpaceX rocket, launching from Mar-a-Lago to low-Earth orbit while Trump gives a 90-minute speech on how he invented marriage and Musk live-streams himself naming the first child they adopt “X Æ GOP-12.”
Prenup Battle Looms
While Musk and Trump claim they are marrying for love, lawyers for both sides are engaged in an absolute bloodbath trying to draft the most complicated prenup in history.
“Both parties want full control over everything,” said legal analyst Rich Billings. “They are literally arguing over who gets ‘free speech’ in the marriage.”
Trump has reportedly demanded that Musk hand over full control of X (formerly Twitter), while Musk insists that all future U.S. elections be conducted via Tesla touchscreen.
A Future Power Couple?
While many are skeptical of the union, both men insist this is a real relationship built on mutual respect and a shared love of attention.
“Together, we will create the greatest, most incredible future—a Trumpian, Muskian, absolutely unstoppable force of power, money, and totally real love, folks,” Trump said.
Musk responded by posting an AI-generated deepfake of the two of them riding cyber-horses into a golden sunset.
What’s Next?
The wedding is set for next year, assuming neither of them rage-quits the engagement over a minor Twitter argument.
Until then, the surname debate continues, leaving the world to wonder: Who will submit? Who will compromise? Who will legally own Mars when this is over?
Link to this story in our bio.
Comments