Texans Blame Traffic Jams on Newcomers, Even Though It’s Always Been This Bad
- Lane Feesman
- Feb 1
- 1 min read
By The Houston Throb Staff
In a shocking twist, Houstonians are once again blaming their traffic woes on newcomers, despite decades of gridlock existing long before Californians and New Yorkers started moving in. “It’s definitely them,” said longtime resident Jim Truckman. “We never had traffic like this before those Teslas and Priuses showed up.”
When presented with statistics showing Houston traffic has been a nightmare since the 1980s, Jim was unfazed. “That data’s wrong. I remember when 610 was clear, back when it was just me and my truck,” he added, conveniently forgetting the years of construction he used to curse.
The sentiment has spread across Houston, with locals convinced the influx of new residents has caused chaos. However, experts point out the real culprits: oversized trucks that take up two lanes, Houstonians refusing to let anyone merge, and that one guy still learning to use his turn signal.
City officials recommend public transit as a solution, but Jim has other ideas. “I say we put up a sign: Texas Traffic for Texans Only. That’ll fix it.” Meanwhile, another 200,000 cars hit I-45 today.
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