Houston Declares Every Restaurant a Tex-Mex Restaurant After Controversy

By Juanita Spice, The Houston Throb

In a bold move to settle the ongoing debate over Houston’s culinary identity, city officials have officially declared every restaurant in the city a Tex-Mex restaurant—including sushi spots and vegan cafes.

“We’ve had enough of this ‘fusion’ nonsense,” said Houston Mayor Sylvester Turner. “If you serve food in Houston, you’re serving Tex-Mex. Even if it’s raw fish or kale. It’s time to embrace the true flavor of our city.”

The decree comes after years of controversy over what constitutes “real” Tex-Mex. Now, from the sushi bar to the vegan taco truck, everything will feature a Tex-Mex twist. Sushi restaurants must now offer avocado-stuffed rolls, and even the juice bars are required to add a side of chips and salsa to their smoothies.

“It’s simple,” said food critic Patty Queso. “If it’s food, it’s Tex-Mex. Get with the program.”

Some restaurateurs are confused, but the city promises strict compliance. “The line is clear,” Turner added. “If it doesn’t have jalapeños on it, we’ll throw a taco at it.”

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