Elon Musk Requires Employees to Bow and Pray to Him, Plans to Expand Worship to Entire Countries

By Orbit McReverence, Billionaire Behavior Correspondent

In a bold new workplace policy that has Silicon Valley buzzing, Elon Musk has reportedly mandated that all employees across his companies—Tesla, SpaceX, Neuralink, and Twitter (or “X,” as he insists)—begin each shift with a prayer in his honor. According to leaked documents, the ritual involves employees bowing deeply, reciting a scripted prayer to “Lord Elon,” and refraining from making eye contact with the billionaire.

The prayer, written in Musk’s signature blunt style, reportedly begins, “O Lord Elon, Master of Innovation, Deliverer of Rockets, and Tamer of Algorithms, we thank you for your genius and humbly ask for the strength to meet our quarterly goals.” Employees are required to perform this prayer in unison while bowing, hands raised in a gesture Musk calls “The Tesla Triangle.”

Musk himself refuses to attend the ceremonies, stating in an internal memo that his presence would be “too overwhelming” for the staff. “Eye contact is not conducive to productivity,” the memo reads. “Focus on your work, not on my aura.”

Employees are reportedly required to address him as “Lord Elon” at all times, whether in emails, meetings, or casual conversations. One anonymous SpaceX engineer shared their frustration: “I accidentally called him ‘Mr. Musk’ during a Zoom call, and my project was reassigned to someone else within 30 seconds. It’s intense.”

While some employees have embraced the change—one Tesla employee described the prayer sessions as “surprisingly motivating”—others are less enthusiastic. “I just want to write code, not pledge allegiance to a guy who tweets memes at 3 a.m.,” said a Neuralink developer.

Despite criticism, Musk appears to be doubling down on his self-styled deification. Insiders claim he’s already planning the next phase of his empire: purchasing countries to implement his vision of global innovation and Musk-centric governance. Early targets reportedly include Monaco (“I could park my cybertruck fleet there,” Musk allegedly quipped) and New Zealand, chosen for its picturesque landscapes and sheep he plans to rebrand as “Space Wool.”

The billionaire is reportedly drafting a new constitution for his future territories, which will require citizens to participate in daily “Musk Prayers” and pay taxes exclusively in Dogecoin. Musk’s spokesperson declined to comment directly but hinted at his ambitions, saying, “Elon has always dreamed big. Why stop at Mars when you can also own Switzerland?”

Critics have been quick to lambast Musk’s latest antics. “This is just one more example of billionaire megalomania,” said Lisa Greenwell, spokesperson for the nonprofit Workers Without Worship. “No employee should be forced to genuflect to their boss—especially one who names his kids after Wi-Fi passwords.”

Musk, however, remains unfazed. In a tweet posted early this morning, he wrote: “The world needs a unifying force. If not me, who? If not now, when? #InnovationWorship #BowBeforeGreatness”

As the debate rages on, one thing is clear: Elon Musk has no plans to slow down. Whether it’s praying to him at work or saluting him in his future micronation of “Elonia,” the world may soon find itself under the ever-watchful, innovation-obsessed gaze of Lord Elon.