Elon Musk Introduces Tesla That Can Only Be Driven By Verified X Users
- Otto Von Feablie
- Feb 8
- 2 min read
By Otto Von Feablie, Senior Tech & Totally Not a Bot Reporter
AUSTIN, TX — In his latest attempt to merge his various business ventures into one confusing, paywalled ecosystem, Elon Musk has announced a new line of Teslas that can only be operated by Verified X (formerly Twitter) users. The move, according to Musk, is meant to “reward real people” while also boosting Tesla sales, which have been plummeting faster than Dogecoin after one of his SNL appearances.
“This is the future of authentication and mobility,” Musk said in a livestream that was briefly interrupted when his WiFi cut out. “Only real, valuable users—those willing to pay $8 a month—should be trusted with a machine as powerful as a Tesla.”
How It Works (Or Doesn’t)
The new Tesla X-clusive Edition will require all drivers to log in to their X account before starting the car. A verification checkmark must be active and paid for each month, or else the vehicle will automatically shift into “free-tier mode,” limiting the driver to 5 mph and displaying random AI-generated tweets on the windshield until the subscription is renewed.
Additional features include:
• “Community Notes Mode” – If a driver speeds or violates traffic laws, other verified X users can downvote their behavior, triggering a temporary autopilot lockdown.
• “Engagement Boost Accelerator” – The more likes and retweets a driver gets, the faster the car goes.
• “Bot Detection Brakes” – The car will refuse to stop at red lights if it suspects the driver is not a “real person” (or worse, a journalist).
Musk also hinted at a future premium tier, Tesla Ultra, which will unlock basic safety features for an additional $16 per month.
Plummeting Tesla Sales? No, It’s Free Speech Engineering
Industry analysts note that Tesla sales have been dropping sharply due to increased competition, quality concerns, and Musk’s general insistence on tweeting through every crisis. Critics say this latest stunt is a desperate attempt to drive engagement (literally) while also pushing more people into the X verification program.
“This is clearly a move to force more people into the X ecosystem,” said auto industry expert Dr. Lane Merge. “But given how much Tesla owners already overpay for basic features, I guess this isn’t too surprising.”
Despite the backlash, Musk remains confident that his vision will succeed. “This is about free speech and innovation—and also about getting Tesla’s quarterly numbers out of the red,” he clarified.
Customers Are… Not Thrilled
Early adopters have reported several technical issues with the system, including:
• Cars refusing to start if the driver has been shadowbanned.
• A bug where the horn only plays Musk’s voice saying, “Let that sink in.”
• The car crashing—both figuratively and literally—when users try to block Elon.
At press time, Tesla stock had dropped another 5%, Musk had tweeted three Pepe memes in response, and a random unpaid Tesla intern was now in charge of software updates.
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