City Announces New Seasonal Calendar: “Hot, Less Hot, Slightly Cold for 36 Hours, Then Back to Hot”
- Sunny Burns
- Jan 30
- 2 min read
By Sunny Burns
After years of debate, Houston officials have finally abandoned traditional seasons in favor of a more “realistic” approach. The city’s new official seasonal calendar will now consist of four distinct periods: Hot, Less Hot, Slightly Cold for 36 Hours, and Then Back to Hot.
“We realized the old system of winter, spring, summer, and fall just didn’t apply here,” said city climatologist Dr. Ray D. Ation. “So, we simplified things to reflect what Houstonians actually experience.”
Under the new calendar, “Hot” runs from March through November. “Less Hot” covers late November to mid-December, followed by “Slightly Cold for 36 Hours” (formerly known as ‘winter’) in late December or, sometimes, randomly in February. “Then Back to Hot” begins immediately after, ushering in another eight months of relentless humidity.
Local businesses have already begun adapting. Clothing stores are eliminating winter coats, opting instead for a “Panicked Cold Front” section that only appears when temperatures drop below 50. Restaurants are renaming seasonal menus to reflect reality, with offerings like “Fall Pumpkin Spice, But You’ll Still Be Sweating” and “Winter Soup, Served With a Side of Mosquitoes.”
Reactions among residents have been mixed. “I appreciate the honesty,” said lifelong Houstonian Carla Vasquez. “But I still think we should add a season called ‘Surprise Hurricane.’” Meanwhile, transplants from northern states remain in denial. “I moved here expecting seasons,” said Minnesota native Greg Larson, fanning himself in January. “This is unnatural.”
Despite criticism, city officials are confident in the change. “This is Houston,” Dr. Ation said. “Just accept that you’ll be running your AC on Christmas and wearing shorts in February.”
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