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THE HOUSTON THROB


The Real MVPs: Workers Who Deserve More Praise Than Politicians, Athletes, or Celebrities
By Justine Time, The Daily Throb While politicians argue, athletes rake in millions for throwing balls, and movie stars get standing...
Feb 264 min read


Texas Bans Electric Cars, Citing Fears of “Electromagnetic Chaos”
By Chuck Torque, Energy and Infrastructure Correspondent In a controversial move, Texas lawmakers have officially banned the sale and...
Feb 112 min read


Google Maps Initiates Renaming Spree Under President Trump’s Directive
Google Maps Initiates Renaming Spree Under President Trump’s Directive By Libby Teague, Patriot Branding Correspondent In a bold move to...
Feb 112 min read


Burgergate: Fast Food Chains Caught Secretly Adding Kale to Beef—And People Are Accidentally Healthier
By Patty O’Malley | The Daily Throb A shocking new report has revealed that major fast food chains have been secretly sneaking kale into...
Feb 112 min read


Vegan Company Unveils Spoilable Plant-Based Meat So Everyone Can Experience Food Poisoning
By Sal Monella HOUSTON — In a groundbreaking move for plant-based cuisine, vegan food startup SimuSick™ has announced a revolutionary...
Feb 102 min read


Study Confirms: Waitresses Just Want to Make a Living, Not Hear Your Creepy Comments
By Tippi Well – The Daily Throb HOUSTON – Groundbreaking new research has confirmed what waitresses at bars and restaurants have known...
Feb 82 min read


Seance Reveals Martin Luther King Jr. Would Never Have Voted for Trump
By Paige Tuner– The Daily Throb ATLANTA – In an unprecedented and otherworldly event, a group of self-proclaimed mediums held a séance...
Feb 82 min read


Woman Sues The Babylon Bee After Article Hurts Her Feelings
By Sue Ann Noyed – The Daily Throb ATLANTA – In what legal experts are calling a bold new frontier in emotional litigation , a local...
Feb 82 min read


People Fed Up with Satire Websites Because They Actually Have to Read the Articles
By Brock Lee, Senior Literacy Analyst HOUSTON — In a shocking turn of events, people across the country are expressing their frustration...
Feb 82 min read


“Someone Great” by LCD Soundsystem Wins Grammy for Best Unsuspecting Sad Song
By Mel Ancholy – The Daily Throb LOS ANGELES – In a historic first, the Recording Academy has introduced a new category honoring songs...
Feb 82 min read


Grammys Introduce New Category for ‘Best Song You’ve Heard 3,000 Times on TikTok’
By Melody Harmon– The Daily Throb LOS ANGELES – The Recording Academy has finally embraced the inevitable by introducing a brand-new...
Feb 82 min read


Houston’s Taco Wars Escalate as Restaurants Keep Adding More ‘Taco’ to Their Names
By Sue Flay, Daily Throb Senior Food Correspondent HOUSTON—What started as a simple taco stand named Taco has spiraled into an all-out...
Feb 83 min read


Y2K Actually Happened, and We’ve Been Living in an Alternate Timeline Ever Since
By Manny Festation For years, conspiracy theorists have speculated that something felt off about the 21st century. Turns out, they might...
Feb 82 min read


Real Estate Agent Begs Homeowner to Stop Living Like a Goblin Before Listing House
By Buck Rivers Local real estate agent Kelly Dawson is considering a career change—possibly something less stressful, like lion...
Feb 23 min read


U.S. to Outlaw All Satire Websites, Citing ‘Too Many People Believe The Onion’
By Paige Turner In a shocking yet completely believable move, the U.S. government has announced plans to outlaw all satire websites ,...
Feb 21 min read


Psychologists Reveal Phrases That Make People Sound Like Crybabies Who Just Want to Yell at Clouds
By Hugh Jass In a groundbreaking study that the GOP will probably refuse to read, psychologists have revealed that the use of certain...
Feb 23 min read


More Tolls Are Coming Across the USA, and You Can’t Stop Them
By Rick O’Shea | The Daily Throb The American highway system is about to get a lot more expensive, and there’s nothing you can do about...
Feb 11 min read


AI Music Sensation Announces World Tour—Will Just Be a Computer Sitting on Stage
By Chip Hertz In a groundbreaking moment for the music industry, AI-generated artist SynthG0d_3000 has announced a highly anticipated...
Feb 12 min read


Texans Blame Traffic Jams on Newcomers, Even Though It’s Always Been This Bad
By The Houston Throb Staff In a shocking twist, Houstonians are once again blaming their traffic woes on newcomers, despite decades of...
Feb 11 min read


President Trump Appoints Chef Gordon Ramsay as School Lunch Czar
By Sue Flay In a move that’s left both political pundits and culinary critics scratching their heads—and possibly sharpening their...
Jan 312 min read
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