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THE HOUSTON THROB
President Trump Freezes Federal Loans Over “Confusing” Counting Process
By The Houston Throb Staff In an announcement that has left the nation scratching its head, President Donald Trump has declared a...
Jan 283 min read
Mysterious Lights Over Houston Rush Hour Leave Drivers Baffled—And Phones Useless
by Caroline Foster HOUSTON, TX —Drivers on I-45 experienced an unusual spectacle during last night’s rush hour when strange lights...
Jan 283 min read
Houston Unveils New ‘HOV MVP’ Lane for Aggressive Drivers Who Think Rules Don’t Apply
by Casey Lane HOUSTON, TX —In a groundbreaking move that blends traffic innovation with sheer audacity, Houston officials have announced...
Jan 282 min read
President Trump Proposes “Kinder, Gentler” Deportation Plan—Involves Baby Trade Economy
In a move that has left the nation both bewildered and bemused, President Donald Trump, now in his second term, has unveiled a novel...
Jan 282 min read
Political Parties Unite to Approve Clones for Testing, Because Better Them Than Us
by A. Nomaly In an unprecedented show of bipartisanship, politicians from every corner of the political spectrum have agreed on a...
Jan 273 min read
Upcoming Hug-a-Thon Aims to Unite Texas Political Divide with Awkward Side Hugs
Sponsored by Hardee’s and Dick’s Sporting Goods, this ambitious event promises sweaty embraces, forced smiles, and free burgers. Move...
Jan 273 min read
iBaby 2027: Apple Proposes Implanting Babies with WiFi Chips for Faster Internet Speeds
By Chip Connexion, Houston Throb Tech Correspondent In a move that has both tech enthusiasts and parents scratching their heads, Apple...
Jan 263 min read
TxDOT Announces Bold Plan to Solve Houston Traffic in Just 192 Years
By Grid Lockington, Houston Throb Traffic Analyst HOUSTON, TX — In a shocking display of optimism, the Texas Department of...
Jan 263 min read
West Oaks Mall to Be Repurposed as Multi-Use “Ghostropolis”: The Future of Empty Spaces
By Mallory Clearance-Rack, Houston Throb Staff Writer HOUSTON, TX — After years of dwindling foot traffic, awkwardly silent food courts,...
Jan 263 min read
Houston Rodeo Goes Hardcore: Ditches Country for Punk, Metal, and Vegan Kale Chips
By Rusty Spurs McEdge, Houston Throb Staff Writer HOUSTON, TX — The Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo has gone off the rails—and possibly...
Jan 263 min read
Bigfoot Mania Grips Houston: Local Expert Vows to Solve the Mystery
By Harry P. Furman, Houston Throb Cryptid Correspondent Move over traffic woes and humidity—Houston has a new mystery: Bigfoot. Recent...
Jan 253 min read
Experts Recommend Babies as Young as 8 Months Get Cell Phones: “Start ‘Em Young,” They Say
By Callie Textington, Baby Tech Correspondent for The Houston Throb In a groundbreaking (and mildly alarming) recommendation, a panel of...
Jan 253 min read
The Long Island Crackle: Lost New York Migrants Mistaken for Grackles, Now Living It Up in Katy, Texas Parking Lots
By Becky McFeathers, Avian Affairs Correspondent KATY, TX – Texans are no strangers to the sight of flocks of grackles loitering in...
Jan 253 min read
Californians Steal Jobs, Raise Property Values, and Enrich Texas—Texans Outraged at Influx of Respect and Understanding
By Lonestar Snark, Cultural and Economic Satirist AUSTIN, TX – In a development that has Texans clutching their cowboy hats,...
Jan 253 min read
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